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From: wormwood.tempter@gallmail.com
To: screwtape@diabolic.org.uk
Subject: Facebook friend request
Dear Uncle Screwtape*
Good grief, you’re on Facebook! I must admit I never expected to get a friend request from my old Uncle who helped me all those years ago but this is a very pleasant surprise. Now where have you been all this time – taking a career break or something? They say old devils never die but you’ve been keeping your head well below the radar. Dare I ask, are you into black ops? Or can you not tell me?
I’ve been quite pleased with myself recently. Even got a commendation from our Father Below for screwing up a conference – you’d be proud of me. My patient was the main platform speaker (the minions glorified him as a spiritual hero) and I’d been working on getting him to mess with a woman who wasn’t his wife. The trick here is to manage the exposure correctly and I got the news out just in time to hit the twitter feeds when it really hurt. What happened? Well the conference wasn’t cancelled it just went off at half cock. The place was alive with rumours, half-truth, innuendo and gossip. A much better result if you ask me because no-one will want to book for next year. (And by the way, I must tell you about twitter although I don’t think you’ll like it. Too mindless by a mile for you I guess!)
That conference was a big coup and I’ve never forgotten your advice to me, honest (I hate that word). “Don’t tempt the patient to do anything too extravagantly wicked” you used to say. Most patients just aren’t that gullible so I’ve spent much of my time honing my drip-feeding skills so that temptation only catches patients one slip at a time. Much more effective in the long run. After all my aim is to befuddle, confuse and eventually corrupt the patient and I’m proud of the way I can make them so preoccupied with entertaining themselves that worship, prayer and reading the awful book become optional extras. Then they can easily let these threatening habits slip without anyone noticing – except me! Much success here because, as we both know, the safest path to hell is a gradual one.
Anyhow – let’s not lose contact again. I’ve always valued your advice.
Still your admiring nephew.
Wormwood
* Just in case you’re wondering what all this is about, Uncle Screwtape is a senior devil who many years ago had the job of educating a junior devil, Wormwood, in the art of tempting Christians. In this article they re-establish contact. The original letters from Screwtape to Wormwood were written by C S Lewis and you can buy the book “Screwtape Letters” from the Victoria Baptist Church bookstall (preferably) or from here.
