On a November day in 1978 I brought Rosi to this spot and asked her to marry me. She said yes.
Let me take you there.
It was a dull, dank, welsh grey day on Pennard cliffs which became a match point moment that changed my life. I have replayed it a thousand times since that day and never, except in my very darkest moments, regretted the commitment we made to each other.
So what drew me to ask such a simple life altering question?
Was it companionship? Definitely. In Rosi I had found a new best friend whose affinity I valued more than any other then and cherish beyond measure now. Our marriage started with joy-filled friendship which has continued and grown more profound as years have ratcheted up.
Was it the plan of God? No matter how hard you try, you won’t be able to convince me otherwise. The confidence that our loving heavenly father was drawing us together into an indissoluble marriage was, and still is, a wonderful certainty. The first time we talked in any depth and began sparking ideas off each other I returned to my flat, stunned that someone like Rosi should come into my life, and almost idly read my daily Bible portion.
“And this is my prayer” said Paul “that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ … to the glory and praise of God.” (Philippians 1:9)
I was gob-smacked. Here, it seemed to me, were the scriptures confirming that I was to develop this burgeoning relationship with this stunning girl – and I was detecting the voice of God!. Now the cynic may toss away this incident as mere coincidence but I can’t buy that. That was only one of several scriptures which assured me of God’s interest in our relationship. Furthermore my own assurance of being guided by God was deepened by the advice of voices I trusted and friends I respected. “You two are just made for each other” said Phil.
Was it the prospect of a family? Not then; that came later. To be honest, nothing was further from my mind on Pennard cliffs. I was deeply, passionately, romantically in love and that was all I remember. I don’t think children entered my head in anything other than a pipe dream.
Was it the romance? Yes, but that was only a part of a much bigger whole. Since that day we have sought to keep romance alive and Rosi is master (or should it be mistress?) of the subtle romantic gesture with a never-ending stream of ideas of things to do together.
At this point of the 21st century someone needs to assert that romance is hugely overrated as a primary reason for marriage. While feelings of romantic love will help us, especially in those sacrificial initial adjustments, they are a flimsy foundation. Love is a feeling which needs to be learned and if my love for Rosi was dependent on my feelings about her or about the world we share, our marriage could have run aground several times! Romance is vital, and we’ve kept it alive, but it’s only one colour on the palette, one ray in the spectrum.
So was it the sex? Of course, silly – and it still is.
But above all it was an overwhelming sense of completion. In Rosi I I’d found the other half of the person God made me to be. I’d found a deep friend, a passionate lover, a gentle confidante, an energetic collaborator and a Christ-follower who was prepared to take on the risk of sharing life with me. So today she complements me in my weaknesses (and there are many) and excites me with her love. Her affection thrilled me than and thrills me still. I am still humbled that she said yes and still honoured to be facing life with her at my side.
And if I was given the same choice today, would I do it all over again with her?
You bet I would!
